Hi. I have been more consistent with my sleep and medication schedule. I bought a diary to make notes on things like the time I take my medication.

Still doing mindfulness yoga which is very helpful. My mental health nurse seems to have suddenly left the scene with no explanation. Overheard conversation of an nhs psychologist today about pressure to ditch clients after 7 sessions. Feel like the whole system is threadbare. Feel it is lip service. Could do better. I heard New Zealand pumps more money now into mental health but I’m not in favour if it goes to the pseudoscientists at the royal college of psychiatry. I happened to be in a hotel the other day where there was a psychiatry conference. I felt like rushing up to people and saying ‘of course you know psychiatry is all bollocks’. Did t

‘A variety of factors affect mental health’ – well no way!

I was thinking about my mental health situation. When I was a teenager I took Roaccutane, a drug for acne. Later it was revealed or discussed that Roaccutane triggers either suicidal thoughts or psychosis in young men. Apparently there was even a case in the US where a young man who went psychotic after taking Roaccutane tried to drive a plane into a high rise building re-enacting 9/11. Apparently there was a court case in 2002 where a patient sued the pharmaceutical company Roche but I can’t see what the outcome was and I wonder if it was settled out of court? 

When I mention it to my mental health workers they just say ‘a variety of factors’ impact mental health. But there seems to be some link here? 

My perfect mental health system (fragments/ notes)

Soteria houses; welcoming crisis houses where psychotic people are given 1-2-1 attention rather than psychiatric drugs. Or psychiatric drugs are used sparingly and not for long term use. 

(I read some psychiatric texts from before widespread use of pharmaceuticals in mental health. Some people didn’t respond to psychoanalysis. They were just like hopeless cases). 

Gardens can be healing. 

Good home cooked food linked to market gardens. 

A media that tells the truth.

I read a book that explained how the emergence of electric light coincided with a huge rise in psychiatric disorders. 

In my world a psychiatric hospital would contain a library with lots of art books and poetry books. An activity room with desks and writing/drawing materials. 

more to come…

Purple chasm

I want to write about the mental health system and about diagnosis. 

I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I question that diagnosis. I don’t necessarily believe in it. 

I feel like some things are too deep to understand. When you can’t rely on your own mind what is there to rely on. 

I feel like falling into a deep black-purple chasm

Using NHS customer care

If you are receiving care from an NHS mental health trust in the U.K. there is usually another related organisation called PALS or sometimes customer care. It’s a channel to air complaints mostly. It’s quite useful if you want to get the NHS bureaucracy to move its gear wheels. 

PALS itself is quite slow and bureaucratic but they do know how to push certain buttons within the system. For example I recently requested to change my social worker and PALS was able to set that in motion. Although as I’ve mentioned they do work quite lethargically.

Previously I’ve even gotten a meeting with the head of the trust through PALS. 

What PALS is not good at is looking at anything outside the pre-existing NHS tickboxes. So they are not good for requesting alternative treatments that aren’t approved by NICE or doing anything much more radical than pulling the pre-existing levers of complaint. 

Medical model vs others

Medical model vs others

I feel there are problems with the the medical model. But I feel there is no one else except NHS to treat me when I am in psychosis or to treat me when I have no money. 

I don’t trust mental health gurus. I also feel that reading up about mental health can send you down blind alleys. 

I may do a little reading around mental health though.

At the moment I feel stuck on the very sedating antipsychotics. 

I need to find a way forward. 

Medication #1

I feel exhausted all the time. I’m on a mixture of psychiatric medication. It generally makes me sleep 14 hours a day. When I am awake I feel zombified and unable to concentrate.

The local pharmacy delivers my medication every week in a little cardboard container with all the days marked out in little cellophane boxes. It’s another sign that I am disabled and can’t be trusted to know the day of the week.

Currently there is an issue with my medication but the pharmacist won’t talk to the doctor so I have to make an appointment, wait a month and still the problem will be miscommunicated.

The medication generally has a sedative effect. Some people argue that the medication is in some way targetting certain neuro transmitters but to my understanding they are really just downers. 

More soon…